Wednesday, December 15, 2010

My Letter to Santa

Dear Santa,

I am sorry this letter is so late. I’ve been trying very hard to get in the Christmas spirit. It’s not been easy, but I hope this reaches you in plenty of time and can forgive my procrastination.

Traditionally, I get my tree and decorate the Saturday after Thanksgiving. Things are so much different for me this year, but I am trying. I really, really am.

I didn’t cut my own tree this year. I ended up just buying one from Food Lion. It felt strange, but the weather has been so bad. It was of course covered in snow, so I just leaned up against the wall of the garage to dry out. Jackson, my dog, peed on it. (Don't tell Mom, she doesn't know. I hosed it off and used my blow dryer on it.)

We finally got around to decorating it last Saturday. Mom and I pooled our massive Christmas ornaments. We had fun, putting only the special ornaments on it and telling the little story behind each one. It was beautiful.

Note the was, about ten minutes after we finished and were off doing other things it fell over and smashed most of our ornaments. Not much we could do, but put it back up, pull out some more ornaments and redecorate it. Just it case, we tied the sucker to the window.

Mom and I lost most of our glass and antique ornaments. I’m just looking at it as another thing I have to let go of and move on. Seems this year; most every aspect of my life is seen through that attitude. Guess its just time for change, lots and lots of change.

Anyway, I’m not going to ask for lots of stuff. I have no place to put it and the way things have been going it would either get broken, fall over or Jackson would pee on it. So, instead I’m going to ask for things for other people. It will make them happy, and in return give me lots of joy, too.

First of all, could you make all my writer friends with new novels coming out all bestselling authors? Eric Arvin, Rick Reed, Carey Parrish and Jeff Young are dear people, all very different and all deserve success. They don’t all have to hit number one on the New York Times Best Seller List, but there are 52 weeks in the year…hint hint.

Then there’s my buddy Russ. Like me he’s become a professional Job Seeker. He’s been doing lots of Extra work in Atlanta for film and television. He’s had a pretty rough year. Please fill his Christmas stocking with joy, lots of warmth and a job, a really good one. He’s pretty much the only buddy that’s stayed in my life since we both were kids. He’s always been there for me. He deserves something special just for that alone.

And I got a little special request for two people I barely know. There are two young men that go to the church I am attending now, David and Thomas. Thomas wants to be a preacher. Santa, send him the means to a good education, prayerful support and a wise, loving heart. That will prepare him for what he wants to do.

Then there’s the other guy. His name is David. He’s young and wants to see the world. He’s in the same place and situation I was in at his age, so I know how he feels. Santa, send him forth. Let him live all his dreams and leave behind no regrets. He’s such a good young man. He deserves every dream he can come up with, without the mistakes that I made along the way.

Oh, and could you give the people in Washington a little more intelligence? They seem to be fighting like school kids, and letting the country they were elected to govern go to pot. If nothing else, ring the end of recess bell. I’m hoping that will snap them out of bickering like six year olds and buckle down to get some real work done.

Please give Lady Gaga whatever she wants and make her go away, far far away. Ditto, Miley Cyrus, Sarah Palin and that Beiber kid, they are annoying and very, very scary.

Could you also give the radio stations in this area some other Christmas music to play besides “Beautiful Star of Bethlehem”? It’s a wonderful old bluegrass carol, but the only people who seem to record it think harmony is flat, sharp, off pitch and loud. Please, at least make them sing through their mouths and not their noses. I’ll settle for Elvis’s “Blue Christmas” 24/7. I’ll still hate it, but at least Elvis is dead and I won’t feel the need to hunt him down and kill him.

Most importantly Santa please put something special underneath the tree of all those wonderful people that have been reading my blogs. I don’t know their real names, just the countries they are in. I’m sure some of them don’t celebrate Christmas, but that doesn’t mean they don’t deserve something special.

There’s Belgium and Switzerland. I’d avoid Chocolate for them. I understand they have access to the good stuff there. Also Greece, Germany, Italy, Spain and Portugal, they all have pretty awesome histories, so I was thinking something to make them kick back and relax. No Jonas Brothers CDs, I said relaxed not bored into coma.

Okay now, there’s France. I admit I did not like France the one time I visited. Of course, I was only in the airport, but still that’s no reason to be rude or call me a stupid American. I was just sitting in my seat waiting for my plane reading a book. There was no reason to hurl insults at me. But several people from there are reading all three of my blogs, and I’m sure they don’t cruise airports to hurl epithets at tourists. Please leave them something made in America just to show no hard feelings, if there is anything left that is actually made in America.

Which brings us to China, South Korea,the Philipines and Japan. How cool is it that the Orient is spending a little time cruising an inbred Redneck’s blogs? Please give them something that doesn’t break after one use or have lead based paint.

Now Santa, here’s a list of people/countries that have really impressed me. I never ever dreamed that someone in Croatia, Israel, Pakistan, Sri Lanka, India, South Africa, Russia, Iraq, Egypt and Brazil would ever be such a big part of my life. But I have watched a small handful of hits from each of those countries seemingly read every chapter of my novel starting with Chapter One. How great is that, Santa? Please give them all lots of love and maybe a car.

Now let’s move on to the English speaking, namely the US, the UK and Canada. I probably do actually know a few of these people, so please absolutely no fruitcake, unless it’s a rubber one, which will make them laugh and have the same taste and consistency of a real one.

Please do not forget the Scandinavians, Sweden, Finland, The Netherlands, Norway and my dear, dear Denmark. None of them made it to the family homecoming, but we’re a scary family so I’m not upset. The dudes and dudettes from that little pocket are my largest audience. Who would have thought that was possible? Please give them lots of music by the Carpenters, huge deposits in their bank accounts and big smiles across their hearts.

Please Santa, I know there aren’t a lot of them, but they have made me feel so special. I hope when they read my little nothings they find a little something; a laugh, a nugget of hope or a reminder of how wonderful they all are. It’s what they’ve given to me, so they deserve much, much more.

Finally, Santa, I ask for just three other little things. I’d like my Facebook friends to all know how much fun I think they all are. They are so diverse, so unique and all have kept me going during a tough, tough year.

Then there is Twitter. I know, I’ve become addicted. It seems so silly, but it’s such a lift to read the little thoughts and musings from so many different people, cast members of Days of Our Lives, some actors working hard at success, lots of common folk and Anderson Cooper. I’d like you to put a little something in their stockings from me, and a double helping to the twenty people who follow me. For those people, don’t let their lives be so dull.

Finally, make Kristin Chenoweth happy and find the one great true love that seems to have eluded her. She seems like such a great lady with a strong faith. It can’t be easy to be that successful and a Christian to boot. She keeps knocking our socks off, send her someone to keep her feet warm.

Thank you Santa. I appreciate your time and any effort made on my behalf. Have a great vacation and if you got time, I kinda need some socks.

Love,
Chicken Dancing