Monday, May 28, 2012

The Heat Beats Faster Act 1 Scene 1

THE HEART BEATS FASTER

ACT ONE

Scene #1

(The elegant home of Celeste and Parker Truehart

As the LIGHTS RISE we hear the Announcer's voice)

ANNOUNCER.
It’s now time for everybody’s favorite daytime drama—The Heart Beats Faster. We now join Parker and Celeste Truehart, Brentwood’s first couple, as they prepare for a small but tasteful party to celebrate Celeste’s recent release from prison.

(LIGHTS TO FULL. CELESTE is pacing the room in a black & white
evening gown. PARKER ENTERS and pours himself a drink.)

PARKER.
Celeste, darling, you seem…nervous.

CELESTE.
I can’t help it, dear. I haven’t seen any of our friends since…well, you know.

PARKER.
Don’t be silly, everyone knows you didn’t see Margot Treadmill…now.

CELESTE.
The world knows what goes on in prisons. It’s more than just riots and hostage situations. People can see through that kind of glamor.

PARKER.
But we’re your friends. We…love you.

CELESTE.
I thought so Parker. Until last night.

PARKER.
I explained that. It’s been a long time.

CELESTE.
And I’ve changed. I’m afraid my thirteen weeks as Prisoner 54387D have scarred me forever.

PARKER.
Just relax. Give it time, Celeste. Things will be the way they used to be.

(DOORBELL)

PARKER.
I’ll get that.

CELESTE.
Thank you Parker. I’m not ready to face anyone yet. I think I’ll check my makeup and change dresses.

(CELESTE MAKES A SWEEPING EXIT as PARKER ANSWERS THE DOOR.
ENTER FELICIA MONTIGUE, professional homewrecker.)

PARKER.
Felecia.

FELECIA.
Parker.

(They lock in a passionate embrace.)

PARKER.
I’ve missed you. My bed is so empty without you.

FELECIA.
Even with that jailbird in it?

PARKER.
She is my wife.

FELECIA.
And I am your lover!

PARKER.
Shhh! She’ll hear you!

FELECIA.
I want her to hear. I can’t stand the thought of that slimy scum sharing your bed, your heart and your bank account.

PARKER.
Celeste is not slimy scum. They found her innocent—finally.

FELECIA.
But are we innocent, Parker. All those hot steamy nights we spent devouring each others bodies while she at stale bread and drank warm water in that hell pit with an open toilet.

PARKER.
Are you telling me it’s over?

FELECIA.
No. I just always wanted to say that.

(ENTER CELESTE.)

FELECIA.
Celeste! Darling! You look wonderful! Solitary confinement obviously agrees with you.

CELESTE.
You’re just saying that.

FELECIA.
I see I’m the first.

CELESTE.
I doubt it.

PARKER.
The others should arrive shortly.

CELESTE.
I’m so excited. I hope someone I really like shows up. I’ve been calling all my friends and telling their maids that I’m home.

PARKER.
Just relax, everyone will be here.

CELESTE.
I have to admit, it’s seems like forever since I participated in a group event that didn’t end in a stabbing and everyone showering together. I think I got in touch with everyone, although I had a little trouble finding Wynette. I do hope she got my message.

FELECIA.
Wynette?

CELESTE.
Yes. Wynette Fargo, my oldest and dearest friend. I have seen her since the concert she gave for the other cons and I at the Randolph Farmer Memorial Prison. She always knew just how to make a girl feel right at home.

FELECIA.
Don’t count on her, honey.

CELESTE.
Why not?

PARKER.
Felecia!

FELECIA.
She should know.

PARKER.
Not now! It’s too soon.

CELESTE.
What’s wrong Parker?

PARKER.
Nothing, dearest, nothing at all.

FELECIA.
Chicken.

CELESTE.
Something is wrong Parker. What is it? Did something happen to Wynette? Tell me. I want to know. I need to know. I can handle it. If this tragedy in my life, our life, has done anything, it’s proven to me that I’m strong. I’m a survivor. I’ve seen the gates of hell and eaten mystery meat from a metal tray and it wasn’t pretty. I can handle anything. So tell me Parker, tell me now! I am not the weak, breakable Celeste Abbot Bauer Horton Hughes Quartermaine Ryan Tyler Truehart I was thirteen weeks ago. Oh no! I am a rock! (Grabbing Parker) Tell about Wynette. Please! I beg of you!

PARKER.
I can’t.

CELESTE.
You can.

PARKER.
No.

CELESTE.
Yes.

PARKER.
No.

CELESTE.
Please.

PARKER.
Sorry.

FELECIA.
I’ll do it.

PARKER.
Okay.

FELECIA.
Sit down.

(FELICIA and CELESTE prepare for a heart to heart
on the sofa.)
PARKER.
Be gentle.

FELECIA.
(To Parker) Of course. (To Celeste) Wynette’s a fruitcake.

CELESTE.
What?

FELECIA.
Wynette was devastated by the events that led up to your conviction.

CELESTE.
Well, of course. Having her oldest and dearest friend take the wrap for bumping off the town tramp must have torn her apart. I wasn’t thrilled about it myself.

FELECIA.
Quite frankly, dear, it was something else that drove her over the edge.

CELESTE.
Her flamingo pink Cadillac with the rhinestone snow tires?

PARKER.
Her guilty conscious.

CELESTE.
What?

FELECIA.
You see, your oldest and dearest friend thought that she had killed Margot Treadmill, but she couldn’t confess to the crime. She had gotten drunk at the Country Music Awards banquet and totally blacked out. All she could remember was that she had purchased the platinum and ostrich feather arrows that Margot was murdered with. She had planned to use them in her new “Wynette Does Opryland” video. She woke up the next day; the arrows were gone and turned up stapling Margot to her new flat screen TV.

CELESTE.
But Wynette didn’t kill Margot. It was Junebug Fleenor, the truck driver she was teaching to read until she discovered he was an undercover mafia kingpin.

PARKER.
But we…and Wynette, didn’t know that until it was all too late.

FELECIA.
Wynette is no longer the chic Country music superstar we’ve grown to tolerate and ignore. She’s a broken woman, living as a bag lady in Centennial Park.

CELESTE.
Oh, no!

PARKER.
She does have a nice bench, though.

FELECIA.
Near the duck pond.

PARKER.
Be strong my darling.

CELESTE.
Oh shut up, Parker. I can’t believe it…I…I…

(Celeste grabs her head in pain.)

PARKER.
Celeste. What’s wrong?

CELESTE.
Nothing. I just suddenly have a terrible headache. Like the one you had last night, only this one’s real.

(DOORBELL)

CELESTE.
That must be the other guests. I can’t face them like this. I must go lie down.

(CELESTE MAKES THE NEXT IN WHAT IS TO BECOME HER TRADEMARK
GRAND EXITS.)

PARKER.
I’m worried about her.

FELECIA.
Yeah, my heart is just breaks for her.

(They rush together in a hot, steamy kiss [literally would
be nice])

(DOORBELL)

PARKER.
I guess I should answer that.

FELECIA.
Go ahead. I’m a patient woman.

(Parker opens the door. ENTER TIMMY TRUEHART, angry, young
stud.)
PARKER.
Timmy.

TIMMY.
You seemed surprised.

PARKER.
I must say I am.

TIMMY.
In spite of everything, she is my mother.

PARKER.
But…

TIMMY.
I know I thought she killed my wife Margot and I planted evidence against her to make her look guilty. I said some disgusting and nasty things about her on the witness stand, one or two which I regret. But that ordeal is over. It’s time to forget all that pain and heartache, well most of it, and move on to a new storyline.

FELECIA.
I’m touched.

TIMMY.
I know. Wash your hands before dinner.

PARKER.
Your mother will be very happy.

TIMMY.
Despite it all, I need her Parker. She’s all I have now. Everything else has been destroyed. I don’t even know where I live.

FELECIA.
That’s awful.

TIMMY.
Tell me about it, what am I going to do with my wardrobe? I know we've have had our differences and I still can’t justify her giving me to that band of gypsies when I was a baby.

PARKER.
Oh, Timmy. Celeste was so young when you were born, and that two month pregnancy was a bitch. She was afraid and confused. She didn’t think she could give you the sort of life you deserved. I'm sure she thought those gypsies were good people at the time. She had no idea they were Soviet based guerillas.

FELECIA.
Consider yourself lucky, Timmy. Most children are born, have a life threatening disease that reveals their true parentage and then are put in an upstairs closet until they’re old enough to cause family problems.

PARKER.
And you’ve been winning fan polls and getting neighborhood girls pregnant since your Uncle Grandma rescued you from those guerillas and returned you to us a full grown young man.

TIMMY.
It was thirteen turbulent weeks, that’s for sure. But those days are all behind me now, and the days ahead of me look so bleak and lonely. My Margot, my love, my life is gone.

FELECIA.
The fourth marriage is always the hardest to get over, after that, they're pretty much a snap.

PARKER.
Let me tell you from experience, there will be others. Love will survive.

TIMMY.
I’ll never get over Margot. My heart is just and empty space and I’ll never love again.

(IN BURSTS COLLETTE MCGEE, Celeste's alternate personality, town
bitch, dripping in blonde hair, fur and mystery.)

TIMMY.
I’m in love!

FELECIA.
Collette McGhee! I thought we’d rid ourselves of you once and for all!

COLLETTE.
(With an evil laugh) This town will never be rid of me. It needs me!

PARKER.
You heartless bitch! Hare dare you show up here uninvited!

COLLETTE.
I invited myself, and if you’re real nice, I’ll let you engrave my invitation.

TIMMY.
Who is this vision of ecstasy I see before me?

FELECIA.
Vision of lust is more like it.

PARKER.
Collette McGhee, my stepson, Timmy Waxman.

TIMMY.
That’s Timmy Truehart. You adopted me when I was in that coma after the governor had my gummy bears poisoned.

PARKER.
Sorry, I always forget my moments of weakness. It’s a mental thing. Collette McGhee, my stepson, Timmy Truehart.

TIMMY.
Where have you been all my life?

COLLETTE.
I give up. Where have I been?

PARKER.
Timmy, stay away from her. She’s a no good temptress out to use your body and steal your soul.

TIMMY.
But I love those qualities in a woman.

PARKER.
You and I are a lot alike.

COLLETTE.
Don’t worry, Parker. I won’t hurt your precious stepson.

TIMMY.
Adopted son.

COLLETTE/PARKER.
Whatever.

COLLETTE.
I think I’ll just toy with him a while, get him to do my bidding and then flick him out of my life like a dried up booger.

PARKER.
Oh, well. That’s okay then.

TIMMY.
Thanks, Dad.

PARKER.
Don’t ever call me that again!

TIMMY.
I think I love you.

PARKER/COLLETTE/FELECIA.
Oh, gross!

TIMMY.
Not you, Parker! Her! (Getting on his knees and taking Collette’s hand.) I think I love you.

COLLETTE.
You don’t know what love is.

TIMMY.
Teach me.

COLLETTE.
Shall I use visual aids?

TIMMY.
Will you make me the happiest man on the show for the next thirteen weeks and marry me?

COLLETTE.
Of course not.

TIMMY.
Why not?

COLLETTE.
I just don’t want to.

TIMMY.
Yes you do.

COLLETTE.
No I don’t.

TIMMY.
Yes you do.

COLLETTE.
No.

TIMMY.
Yes.

COLLETTE.
Uh-uh.

TIMMY.
Uh-huh.

FELECIA.
Oh grow up.

COLLETTE.
I have to go.

TIMMY.
Stay. I won’t pressure you, until the writer's get bored or the show needs filler.

COLLETTE.
I can’t, I must go.

TIMMY.
But why?

COLLETTE.
I don’t know. I just have this tremendous headache.

FELECIA.
That seems to be going around.

TIMMY.
Please. When will I see you again?

COLLETTE.
When destiny…and the writers…call.

(COLLETTE VAINSHES)

TIMMY.
I’m shattered! The only woman I have ever loved is gone!

PARKER.
What about Margot?

TIMMY.
Who?

FELECIA.
Don’t worry Timmy. Collette McGee is just like one of those “Elm Street” movies. Just when you think it’s finally over, they make another stupid sequel.

(ENTER CELESTE.)

CELESTE.
Timmy!

TIMMY.
Mother!

PARKER.
Felecia!

FELECIA.
Parker!

CELESTE.
I thought I’d never see you again.

TIMMY.
I heard. I’m so glad it was only hysterical blindness.

PARKER.
Felecia, you’re crying.

FELECIA.
I always cry at reunions and Seventh Day Adventist commercials. It’s my fatal flaw.

CELESTE.
Come to your mother’s bosoms, son!

TIMMY.
Mommie Dearest, I’ve missed you!

(Timmy and Celeste rush to each others arms. ENTER WYNETTER
FARGO, wearing layers of sequined rags & pushing a shopping cart)

CELESTE.
Wynette Fargo! My oldest and dearest friend!

WYNETTE.
Welcome home, Celeste!

(Wynette whips out a machine gun from a shopping bags ad opens
fire. There are silent screams as the entire cast falls to the floor
to the tune of "That's What Friends Are For".)

WYNETTE.
Got any dip?

(BLACK OUT)